Melanie

badwords @ 2005-09-21T14:28:00

2005-09-21T18:37:13Z

So since i'm pregnant, i'm getting fat AND my skin is disgusting. I have pimples every single day and i'm not used to it! I look gross, pregnancy doesn't like me. Oh well.
xo

My belly is growing!

Me + Nikki

Fox Girls-Shannon+Brooke+Melissa+Dawn+Me++Kristen

Me + Tiffany + Dawn

Me + Kevin + Tiffany

Pat + Me

Boyssss.

2005-09-02T16:25:39Z

I found out i'm having a boy and he's due February 12th. I'm happy, Josh is REALLY happy. The look of relief on his face was indescribable.

BUT my placenta is too low. I have to go for a second ultrasound to see how low because it could potentially cause bleeding, hospitalization, hemorage (totally spelled that wrong), and/or me having to deliver by way of c-section. GROSS. I hope everything is okay and it heals itself.

I've been really up-and-down lately. More down than up. I'm tired of living alone. I like being surrounded by people because it makes me more comfortable and I don't "think" so much. It's scary that in 5 months i'm going to have another human being to take care of. No more going out as I please, no more spending money like a rockstar, no more sleeping until 11 everyday. My life is going to be completely different. But the love that i'm going to have/that I ALREADY have for this tiny little boy inside me is so incredible that it overcomes all of the freedoms I have to give up. I'm excited. Everything's going to be okay.

xo

badwords @ 2005-08-11T11:35:00

2005-08-11T15:38:12Z

I know i'm pregnant and everything...but i'm still 21. It makes me feel really good that my friends go to a club, tell me they'll call me, then go without calling me. I DON'T HAVE TO DRINK. I still want to go out and be young...sober. I'm really depressed about life right now. Is my entire pregnancy going to be laying in bed by my phone watching the 10:00 news and reading books about being a mom? Sweet. Can't wait.

Picturesss...

2005-07-09T22:58:47Z

Me holding a star fish

Me, Ninny, and Meghan in Marblehead

Me in Detroit @ the Masonic

Darren McCarty & me!

The boy I babysit and me. CUTE!

Me, Nikki, Kimmy @ Malarkey's on Cinco de Mayo

@ Divine

CLOSEUP. Josh & Me

..

2005-06-14T23:34:19Z

WELL, after taking Josh to the Pistons game and spending over $200, the next time I heard from him, he was bitching at me. He was mad that I called my ex best friend/"guy I talked to in high school" to go meet Darren McCarty even though Josh couldn't go because he had to go out to dinner with his grandma. So he can go a week or more without calling me, but when I call another guy, he finds time to pick up his phone? I'm so confused. I called him last night and laid out all my feelings, over his voicemail of course. I told him that by not hearing from him and him seemingly not ever wanting to hang out, I assumed he wanted a break or didn't want to see me anymore period so what does he want from me? To sit by the phone waiting for the day he calls? I told him if I don't hear from him in a few days, i'll assume we're done. I'm so incredibly depressed. I keep thinking about the past 2 months and how many good memories we've already made and how I want to make millions more in the future. He's the one I see myself with for...ever? I don't know what it is. I'm obsessed and I hate it. I thought he cared about me as much as I did him. Obviously he cares somewhat if he was so mad about the Joe thing. Everyone's like forget about him, move on, but I can't. He's all I think about; he's the only one I want to be with.

Anyways, I finally cleaned my apartment and I feel accomplished. For the past few weeks I haven't had any motivation to do anything. I used to dust/vacuum/etc like every 2 days and I can't even remember the last time I made my bed!

I think i'm going out tonight to watch the Pistons. They better win! I thought for sure we had this series in the bag but apparently not.

xo

Life sucks.

2005-06-10T02:14:57Z

I'm so FUCKING DEPRESSED right now. Why the fuck do guys suck so much? So I dropped a good $200 on Josh last week, taking him to a fucking PISTONS PLAYOFF GAME, and I haven't heard much from him since! He told me we're not official, but he'd be upset if I slept with someone else because he wouldn't do it to me. Yet, tonight he's having a "boys night" and I probably won't see him for another week. I know I should play his game and be "hard to get" blah blah blah, but we're not in high school anymore! Quit the stupid games! Why do I like him so much? He's only brought me heartache but I keep coming back for more because i'm a stupid idiot.

I fucking hate life right now.

Pilates.

2005-05-25T23:28:49Z

So I just tried doing Pilates for the first time because I want to get rid of my love handles, but after 5 minutes, I twisted a muscle in my left arm, my abs hurt, and I want to punch Denise Austin in her face because she's annoying. I think i'm gonna get the Carmen Electra Striptease Aerobics DVD and learn how to give a good lapdance.

xo

CONFUSED.

2005-05-05T02:35:10Z

I'm so confused right now. Things with Josh are weird. I'm so insecure with myself and I don't know if he likes me or not. It's Wednesday night and it's been 7 days since I saw him last...SHOULDN'T HE WANT TO FUCKING SEE ME?! I just wish I knew where we stood and how he feels about me. When he's drunk he's falling in love with me, i'm beautiful, and he asks me a million times why I like him. Then I talk to him on the phone and he gives me 1 word answers and acts like he wants nothing to do with me. I think he likes me because he calls everyday and i've gotten "advice" from a few people that said usually the truth comes out when people are drunk but I still don't know! With Ryan things were so much easier...We saw each other every single day and I knew he liked me because he just...showed it. Josh only shows affection when he's drunk and that's getting really old. I want a relationship, I want to be a serious couple. I know I just got out of one, but i'm ready for this. Josh has told me he thinks this is a long-term thing, but as usual, he was drunk when he said it. Now, he's been online for 30 minutes and has yet to IM me. What the fuck is his problem? I know I should just ask him, but I don't want to chase him away and I think i'm scared to hear what may be the truth: that he's just not ready for a relationship right now. If he said that, I would be devastated because I really felt like I was falling in love with him. Why do I want this so bad? Why do I all of a sudden depend on guys for happiness? My friends should be enough, but they aren't. I know i'm only 21, but I want to start my "real" life...kids, marriage, a real job. I want to start it now! I want to see Josh everyday and be in love and know it's true. But I don't want to ask him these things because he might not want any of that right now and then I might lose him as a friend. I don't think we could be friends. I want more from him. Fuck. I don't know what to do.

Happy 21st!!

2005-04-28T00:57:33Z

Kathy, me, dad.

Josh and me.

Kimmy, me, Nikki at Malarky's.

Josh, me, TIFFANY MY LOVE!, and Linda.

Jennifer, me, and Faisal.

Me at Applebee's.

.

2005-04-20T00:02:06Z

Everything in my life is going so good right now! I'm "with" Josh and he's awesome. I knew him back in high school and I found him on the internet and we started talking and things just...moved on from there. He's awesome and he treats me good. I went to Specs Howard School of Broadcast Arts today to meet with the admissions advisor today and I think i'm going to just go to Eastern and major in communications and intern at 89x doing promotions. When my lease is up, i'll get an apartment closer to my mom, school, and work. That won't be until October but i'm planning ahead.

Ryan's doing good I guess. He's working, imagine that. We talk sometimes but I don't really want to see him or hang out with him.

Things are perfect right now, I hope i'm not jinxing myself.

xoxo

!!!!

2005-04-16T10:56:38Z

HAPPY 21 TO ME!!!

BOSTON!

2005-03-23T01:38:59Z

Every year, my aunt, grandma, and I take a trip in July. We've gone to New York City, Mackinaw Island, a 7-day Cruise, and Hawaii. Since i'm a part of the "real world" now and can't take time off work, we were trying to figure out a short trip. Tonight, I came up with it: BOSTON!! We'll leave Monday, July 4th (in the evening) and we'll return Thursday, July 7th. Tomorrow we're going to have lunch and discuss everything. I'm so excited!

xo

-

2005-03-19T00:32:27Z

I actually have something to do tonight! My weekends always consist of coming home and going to bed, but tonight i'm going over Jessica's and then we're going to a party! My friends from Logan's will be there and I can't wait because I miss them so much.

Work was okay. I walked with $145 even though there was a neon sign over my section reading, "Foreigners, blacks, and Northwest employee's please sit here and don't worry about the tip, I work for free." I got stiffed on a $55 bill by 2 black sluts, then AGAIN on a $30 tab by the guy who owns the party store on the Simpsons, Abdu or something? Thanks!

xo

-

2005-03-16T16:09:34Z

My 2 days off are almost over. Back to work tomorrow. I'm beginning to dislike my job, only because of the managers. 2 of them are the meanest women i've ever met. We have a new head manager that's going to take care of them, though. I had a "meeting" with him on Saturday after one of the bitches made me cry. I KNOW I shouldn't have cried over it, but I had so much going on and she just pushed me over the edge. What happened was I walked into work and my party-lite books were thrown away for the second time. I was having a candle party on Sunday and everyone from work was going to order from the book since they couldn't make the party. I was upset about my books, right from the start my day sucked. Then, the restaurant was empty so I stood in the dining room, ready to pour my frosted mini wheats into a bowl, add milk, then go back to the kitchen to eat when my manager says "I know you're not doing that here." I said, "What? Eating my cereal?" "Yeah," she said. So I started to walk back towards the kitchen and she goes, "What? You gotta problem with that?" Like she wanted to fucking start a fight with me! I went to the smoke room and couldn't stop crying. I have too much going on to deal with a slut like that. The head manager basically told me if his managers can't respect the associates, then they don't need to work for him.

Ryan is a fucking stalker. He will not stop calling . I told him to stop calling me and that i'd call him if I wanted to talk, but he continues to call everyday, "Wanna hang out?" He even asked to borrow money the other day! I don't want to see him at all. He's not turning his life around, he's not doing shit. Fuck him.

Shawn's not going to call me back. Fuck him too.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Today the sun's out so i'm going to clean my car, inside and out. Then i'm taking Buster to my moms to run around and get tired so I don't have to play with him tonight. I'm waiting for my friend/manager (one of the nice ones) to call me because I want her to go to Brett's show tonight with me since she's 1 of my 2 friends and the other one is working. Popcorn exploded in my microwave last night so every once and awhile I get a little wisp (is that the right word?) of burnt popcorn smell. Yumm.

Peace.

xo

...

2005-03-09T02:45:59Z

Day 1 of my weekend:

Woke up at 10, watched Ellen Degeneres. Showered, ate, took the garbage out (6 trips to the dumpster) and let Buster run around outside. Then, I went to my grandma's, did laundry, and watched General Hospital.

Ryan keeps calling me to take him to get his car because it broke down 2 days ago. When I tell him no, he hangs up because he's a fucking asshole. Then, he calls back and asks again like I don't remember that an hour earlier, he had hung up on me. Ryan's problem is that he thinks the world revolves around him. He doesn't want to work or get an education, he wants everything given to him. For 2 years, that's exactly what I did. I bought him food, gas, gave him a home, gave him a family (my parents), etc etc etc. All he did was TAKE TAKE TAKE. He didn't try to do anything to help himself. Now, at 19, he needs to face the world. If it takes him "hitting rock bottom" to realize he needs to turn his life around, so be it. I'm not going to hold his hand anymore. I considered taking him to get his car until I asked him if any of his friends could take him and his reply was, "No, why do you think i'm calling you, dumbass." Now my phone is shut off. That's cool that I have to shut my phone off to avoid him, right? I'd rather not talk to him for like...2 months. I know I sound mean, but i've been USED for 2 and a half years. So much time, money, and love went into a relationship that was shit. Now, I just want to move on with my life. I don't want to hear about Ryan not having any money or any gas, drinking, doing drugs, being a loser because as much as I try not to, I care. I want to stop caring, but I can't, so I'd rather just not know about it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to lunch with my grandma and aunt, and then going to dinner with a friend from work.

xo
Melanie

Changes...

2005-03-08T05:25:56Z

To begin with, I broke up with Ryan and he doesn't live here anymore. He wasn't working or doing anything and it's time I move on.

I went and saw Bloodlined Calligraphy in Lansing yesterday. It was nice to see Shawn. I'll probably call him in a few days, hang out, whatever. We'll see what happens.

I waited on Bob the Bachelor and he's hot.

xo
Melanie

Finally, an update.

2005-01-23T03:37:55Z

I'm sitting here bored on a Saturday night so why not update?

Things are going okay. There's a lot of snow on the ground and I get to drive in it tomorrow, can't wait. I want warm weather...warmer than this, anyway. I want spring to come where the weather is perfect and I can wear a sweater, jeans, and flip flops.

Work is okay. We bid for shifts about 2 months ago and I got Thurs-Fri-Sat 8-4, Sun-Mon 7:30-3. I pretty much don't make shit. Before, on my 10-6, I was making about $100-$150/day. Now I jump for joy if I make $100. The famous people I've seen so far: Renee Zellweger+Jack White (I waited on them the day before the tabloids said they broke up), "The Big Show" (WWE wrestler), Bill Lambere (ex-Pistons player), Tonya from the Real World (tipped the waitress $2), and Joey Kocur (ex-Red Wings player).

I'm happy in my little apartment. I got a puppy,a cute little shih-tzu named Buster. Now i'm just sitting here in silence doing nothing. Ryan went out to Detroit with his friend. I have to work at 7:30 tomorrow morning so my bedtime will be soon.

I'll be 21 in 3 months, April 16. CAN'T WAIT!!

Exciting entry, right? Sorry.

xo

badwords @ 2004-11-27T01:13:00

2004-11-27T06:17:00Z

Lucky me!

I have pneumonia!

I've known since Monday that I have it. It's getting better, but I seriously thought I was going to die in the beginning. My temperature got up to 103 and tryed staying at least 100 for a day or so. Now I just have a cough. I've been staying at home so my mom can take care of me. I've been off work for 5 days and today the doctor said to take off 5 more.

I tried going back to the apartment tonight but Ryan just...isn't a take-care-of-you-when-you're-sick kind of guy. He says since I don't look sick anymore that i'm pretty much okay. So, I came home for a few more days. Ryan comes and visits for about half an hour everyday and that works for me. This time apart is nice.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and my appetite decided to come back, so I had a nice day.

xo

Things change..

2004-08-19T03:59:58Z

Wow.

SO MUCH has happened since my last entry. I am now living at home with my parents and here is the big long story:

First, the people:

>>Steve= The lease of the house was in his name. He's 24 and the second day of living there, began to fuck Amanda.

>>Amanda= My ex-best friend. Just turned 18, slutty, kinda ugly.. You've all seen pictures.

>>Wesley & Katy= Boyfriend and girlfriend. Friends of Ryan, roommates of ours.

>>Grant= Steve's psycho cousin who just got out of jail and kept the bright orange jumpsuit to impress girls. Why was he in jail? For punching a 10 year old.

There were 6 of us total living in the house: Steve, Amanda, Wesley, Katy, Ryan, and I.

Two weeks ago, Amanda had a graduation party. I invited everyone that I work with, and she invited all of her ghetto friends from Lincoln Park who think that they're black.
Amanda, who isn't the smartest girl, left her purse outside which contained her wallet and her rent money. Someone ended up stealing her purse. By the time Steve and Grant realized it was gone, everyone was pretty drunk. So Grant goes up to all of my friends who were sitting by the fire minding their own business and says, "I'm going to strip-search all you motherfuckers before you leave here." Everyone was kind of like...ooookay, whatever, fuck you. THEN, Grant takes a golf club and starts smashing beer bottles in my yard. By then, all of my friends decided to leave because they didn't feel comfortable, which I can understand. They leave, and Ryan says to me, "That's fucked up that your friends all had to leave like that," and Steve jumps in and goes "I don't give a fuck about any of those people. Amanda got her purse stolen and it's her party. If you have a problem with it, you can get off my property." Since the lease is in Steve's name, he has a control issue in which he's constantly reminding us that even though we all paid equal rent, it was HIS house. Ryan, drunk, said to him "Oh, YOUR property?" and Steve said, "Yeah, get the fuck out ," so Ryan left pissed off. He ended up calling the cops and telling them that Steve was buying alcohol for minors. I left and stayed at my cousins that night with Ryan. The cops came and Steve didn't get in any trouble. The next morning, Ryan felt kind of bad about calling the cops and called Steve to talk to him. Amanda answered the phone and went off on Ryan telling him he's out of the house, blah blah, then Steve got on the phone and said he was going to beat Ryan's ass, etc etc. I went over there to start getting our stuff because obviously I didn't want to stay there without Ryan, and Steve said that if I touched anything, he was calling the cops because I owed him rent money for Ryan and I, which was already a week late because Steve didn't have his rent money ready. So I went home and my mom called the cops to meet us over there. She was pissed at Steve and Amanda about the whole thing because it was all bullshit. My uncles and their friends all brought their trucks over so we could get all my stuff out. I go to the house and start getting all of my stuff, and Amanda was talking to the cops, "She was my best friend, I don't know why she's doing this, blah blah." I got most of my stuff out, and when I went into the living room to take my stero, TV, DVD player, etc, Steve said I couldn't take it until I paid him rent. The cops said there was nothing they could do, that we would have to go to court to get it since the lease was in Steve's name, it made it his house. After a few minutes of Steve not letting me take my pots and pans that my mom bought for the house and saying that he was keeping my DVD's because Ryan owed him money, my mom said "Mel, just give him the money so we don't have to deal with these people anymore." The cops were witnesses that I gave him the rent money. When we left and met up at my grandma's, I realized that no one had grabbed my mini-fridge that, the night before, had been in my room. Amanda and Steve had hid it in their room before the cops got there because they knew I wasn't allowed to look in their rooms while the cops were there since why would I need something from their rooms? I called Amanda and she said she didn't have it. A friend of mine from work, Nick, called and told her that if she didn't find it in the next half hour, him and his boys were going to come over and find it for them. Steve got on the phone and said he didn't want any trouble, the fridge would be outside waiting for me. The fuckers had hid my minifridge. Two days later, Ryan talked to Wesley, our other roommate who wasn't really involved in anything, and found out that Steve and Amanda went to Cedar Point for 3 days with my rent money and were planning on not paying rent period and getting evicted. Plus, Steve told Wesley that I was stupid for ever giving him the rent money. No one is living in the house because the electric was in my moms name, and she had that shut off right away. Now, my mom got court papers so we can get my money back since the cops witnessed me give it to him FOR RENT, and the landlord will testify that rent was never paid. I hope you followed all of that okay, I know it's a long story. Oh, and here's an example of the white trash I lived with: The night I stayed with my cousin, someone went in my room and peed on my bed.

Now, Ryan and I are looking for an apartment for just the 2 of us. Fun, right?

xo
Melanie

badwords @ 2004-06-16T03:26:00

2004-06-16T07:32:46Z

Well well well...

Way to go Pistons! I'm not a basketball fan but i've watched every game of the finals and i'm proud of them. All this time I thought they were really sucky and never had a chance. I still think that about the Lions and the Tigers. Anyway...

I'm moving out tomorrow! Amanda's mom started moving today, so tomorrow night I will be sleeping in my new house with my boyfriend. Ryan's gone to shit over this past week. He doesn't get any sleep, doesn't shower, doesn't eat. I take good care of him and I hate to see him like that. I can't wait for us to live together again. I feel like I've seen him maybe an hour this week. I hate that. And his sister's house is so gross, sucks that that's the only place he'll stay.

Amanda and I are going shopping Thursday morning for house stuff. We need a black sofa cover for the couch, and leopard pillows! Then we're doing the bathroom in Swell, from Target...CUTE! Our tooth brush holder is going to be a martini glass! I love it! Amanda wants to do the kitchen in cherries, so I guess that can be cute. The boys are doing all the fixing-up in the house like leaks, doors, ugly floors, etc. Amanda and I are decorating. When everything is looking decent, we're going to have a house-warming party. I'm so excited. It's almost like Friends, only there's 2 girls instead of 3.

I'm really tired.

xo

+ sad

2004-06-11T04:22:43Z

Ryan got kicked out on Tuesday because he called my sister a spoiled bitch. He had his reasons. But anyway, I MISS HIM!!! Tuesday night, Meghan stayed the night with me and Amanda stayed over until 4 am to keep me company. Last night after I got off work, Amanda and Meghan stayed the night and we ordered pizza and watched Miss Congeniality. I spelled that wrong. Today I hung out with Ryan all day. Now i'm all alone in my room watching the MTV Movie Awards which suck really really bad. Why is Lindsay Lohan such hot shit now? I don't think she's anything special. And her boobs are HUGE for a 17 year old. Hilary Duff is way prettier and sweeter. I would know, I met her.

Anyways, HOW ABOUT THOSE PISTONS!? I love basketball when my team is actually winning.

We're moving into our house on Tuesday or Wednesday. I can't wait!!

Work is going okay. I can't wait until I get back from Hawaii so I can get a job at Jose Quervo in the airport making as much as Jenny (about $800 a week). I feel like I work so hard at Logan's and I make shit.

xo

New house!!

2004-05-31T19:24:12Z

Ryan, Steve, Amanda, Wesley and I are getting a house! Amanda's mom is moving out and said we could keep the house for either $450 or $600 a month. It's 4 bedrooms and after a few trips to Target is going to be adorable!! I'm so excited! We'll probably start moving in next week so party party party!! Everything is going really well right now. I love my life at this moment.

xo
Melanie

!

2004-04-24T15:06:49Z

My cousin Meghan and I..

Kristin and Kristin from work..

My wife!

Ryan..

+

2004-04-23T15:05:55Z

The weather has been so beautiful lately it makes me really happy. Life is good. I love my car and I am totally fine paying $450 (payment + insurance) a month for it. The Cavalier is gonna go for $3000 so I don't owe my aunt anything.

I'm going to prom with Amanda. I'm kind of excited, but I don't really want to pay the $55 ticket and THEN throw money for the hotel afterwards. Oh well, I want her to have a good time. It's her last year in school, maybe this prom will be memorable for her. Mine wasn't but thats okay.

I go up to my work way more than I should on days that i'm off. I went up there on Tuesday to visit Amanda, and then I went up there last night so I could drink a free virgin strawberry dacqri and eat free cheesecake and watch the Red Wings LOSE. I love everyone I work with and it's so fun to just chill and smoke cloves and hear complains about the smell.

Today I'm going to lunch with my grandma, aunt, and my cousin who has finally decided to crawl out of my boyfriends brothers ass for the day. Amazing! Long story there I guess.

xo
Melanie

thank-you canada

2004-04-18T14:46:52Z

I am in no condition to go to work this morning. I got so drunk last night. All I want to do is throw up but I hate throwing up. Now I have to go serve potato soup and porterhouses. Can't happen. "What can I get yo...BLEHHH BLEHHH BLEHHH."

I had a lot of fun though. A LOT of fun. I love my friends. And Canada.

xo